Wouldn't You Know It - I'm Special

Week 9: One of the nice things about my new plastic surgeon is that she's a woman, and she specializes in breast reconstruction, augmentation and the like. So she can empathize. The other nice thing is that she gave me a gift-package containing a bunch of information and resources about breast cancer. The packages were put together and donated by a former patient and survivor. I think that's awesome. I read numerous articles, websites and books about breast cancer the first time I was diagnosed, but a recurrence, I'm learning, is quite different. In the gift-package was a copy of "Dr Susan Love's Breast Book." I highly recommend it. Some passages are so on-the-money that they're as if I wrote them myself. It's uncanny, yet communal it would seem. I poured over the chapters in the days following my appointment. It's oddly reassuring to recognize and understand the different types of cancers, procedures, outcomes and what to expect afterwards, etc.. The terminology and imagery aren't as foreign and scary to me as they probably are for first-timers. It's comforting to know, in a morbid sort of way, that "yes, I've been there; yes, I remember that; yes, the same thing happened to me; yes, I have that...." Scarring - check Lymphedema - check Numbness - yes Pain - check Fatigue - yep Chemically induced menopause - yes Weight gain - check Hot flashes - yep Insomnia, night sweats, mood swings and fuzzy thinking - check, check, check and... check Those are just the long term effects I live with, never mind the short term side effects I previously enjoyed. The bad news about educating myself is that I know where I stand, and it's not in a great place. I read and grasped the implications of my PET and pathology reports, and my oncologist confirmed that I have Stage III invasive cancer -- the same as before. It's left over from the previous cancer, not a "new," second cancer. These aggressive, little microscopic cells have withstood each previous treatment: surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. It gives me the creeps.