It's a Small World After All

Week 39: We're back from our getaway to sunny - make that scattered showers - Florida. Disney World was fun, but remind me not to have a medical emergency if I'm ever there again.

The day was hot and working its way to muggy when the skies finally opened-up. We had been through the entire park, watched the parade, and just finished a late lunch when we made our way over to the only ride we hadn't been on (a race track with little corvette cars). We were literally next-in-line to get into a car and speed away when the park crew suddenly closed the ride and marched us off of the platform due to lightning that was quickly followed by a downpour. Unlike the rest of the cattle being driven out, we detoured from the exit line and took refuge on some covered bleachers, saving ourselves from getting soaked.

We noticed there was a young person (we weren't sure if it was a male or female, but let's assume male) lying on the ground, face down and not moving, at the bottom of some steps leading out of the ride. A woman working at the ride was crouched by his side trying to protect him from all of the foot traffic. Within a few minutes everyone in line cleared out, and then a couple of other workers showed-up to hold umbrellas over the young man who still was not moving. It must have been at least another ten minutes or more before any medical help arrived, and even then there were no flashing lights and no emergency vehicle, not even a golf cart, to hasten this injured person's treatment. They put a brace around his neck, rolled him on a board, and lifted him onto a stretcher to transport him to wherever...in the pouring rain with umbrella people in tow.

I was appalled by how long it took Disney to respond, especially since they seemed to have such a well-oiled operation in other respects, right down to the obnoxious gift shops you were forced to go through at the end of 70% of the rides. One of the few rides that didn't have a commercial ending was the "It's a Small World" theme ride. There was so much to see on the ride that we went on it twice. The song was still fresh in my mind when we witnessed the above-mentioned accident scene and as everyone waited anxiously for help to arrive:

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
There's so much that we share that its time we're aware
It's a small world after all...chorus

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship for everyone
Though the mountains divide and the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all...chorus

I felt so bad for this poor kid whose fun-filled day could very well have ended, heaven forbid, with a paralyzing injury, and for his mother (presumably) who could only stand by and wait helplessly while her child was suffering. The theme song in my head rang true about the world, our connection to eachother, and our human condition. We've all been in similar situations. We know the joy that comes from smiling and having a good time, as well as the pain from our own or a loved one's injury or misfortune. I'm blessed to have great family and friends standing by for me.

We spent another 20 minutes or so waiting for a break in the rain. And the song in my head had gone from profound to annoying by then (you know the kind; like one of those jingles that just won't go away). The rain didn't let up nor did the clouds show any signs of thinning out, so we decided it was time to get a little wet and work our way home. Fortunately the lightning had stopped and the shuttle boats were running, so we hopped-on one and made it back to our hotel pretty quickly. We lucked-out on dicovering that the boats were the way to go. Less people and it was only a 10-15 minute ride compared to the buses that were crowded and took twice as long to go from point A to point B. (Remember to keep that in mind if you ever visit the Magic Kingdom.)

We were pretty much worn out from the day, so once back at our hotel room, we hung out watching tv for a bit and went to bed early. Apparently I've taken up snoring. I was woken-up and chastised by two annoyed roommates all night long.

In addition to snoring, I'm also experiencing chronic pain in my arm for some unknown reason; my eyelashes finished falling out and don't appear to be growing back any time soon; I'm still covered in bruises; my surgery site (from removing the medi-port) isn't healing; my vision is messed up; I'm still tired, and hot flashes are wreaking havoc 24/7. Other than that, I'm doing great. My oncologist told me it'll be about three months before I start getting back to normal. I seem to recall it was more like 5 years. Just in time to have this recurrence. But I shouldn't be complaining. I wasn't taken away on a stretcher and I can move my legs.

Speaking of a recurrence, this September will be the second year in a row that my brother-in-law is walking 26 miles in support of finding a cure for breast cancer (thank you, Michael). Please visit his Avon Foundation webpage for more information:

Michael Blevins - Walk for the Cure

I'd also ask that you say a special prayer for Michael's sister, Cari. Like me, she's had a recurrence of breast cancer; but unlike me, she is having a very difficult struggle. Please keep her in your thoughts. Thank you.

As for me, next on the radar is a PET scan. I'll let you know when it's scheduled.

TTFN.

A Fair Question

Week 38: I took Stephanie to the Water Mine pool at Lake Fairfax in Reston last week. If you've never been there, I highly recommend it. What a great place to have fun and cool off. While there, I was asked by a little preschooler, "are you a man or a woman?" I presume it was my still mildly-bald head that prompted her question. I give her credit for asking. She was confused; she wanted clarification. Simple.  Now if only some of life's other mysteries were so easy to answer.

Over at Last

Weeks 36-38? You may have noticed my absence lately. I continued my saga in silence these last few weeks. I haven't been in the mood for writing because writing means I have to admit I'm scared. Chemo is over and I know I'm supposed to be happy about that, and I am, but unfortunately my spirit is tempered by a sense of fear. Not having chemo means I don't have a security blanket anymore. As much as I dislike the effects of chemotherapy, I felt protected by it. Feeling sick meant I had the upper hand in this fight. I'm afraid the treatment will "wear off" and I'll be vulnerable again. The routine check-ups and tests will inevitably become less frequent and then eventually I'll be on my own again, like a normal person. That worries me. It turned out that my first cancer was a fierce opponent with enough strength in reserve obviously to rise up and challenge me a second time. So even if I withstand the battles, can I win the war? I never really thought about cancer in the first place; nor did I ever think about it coming back. But my body betrayed me both times. How can I trust that it won't let me down again? I'm imprisoned by the dread of another recurrence. Yes, I'm happy that chemo is over, but I need to learn how to cope for the long run.

I'm Published

Week 34: I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I'm published! Well sort of. The Dr Susan Love Research Foundation posted a link to my blog on their website. It's a little hard to navigate to, but if you want to see it, go to the webpage www.dslrf.org/breastcancer, click on Community & Connection in the left margin, then click on Personal Stories at the top of the section, and then click on Recurrence in the subheadings. Aside from the link to my fascinating and compelling blog that everyone wants to read, the Love website is a really great source of information about women's health -- so be sure to surf while you're there. (Is "surf" still part of the internet lingo or am I dating myself?)

Say NO to Obama

Weeks 33-34: I want to share a very real example of what will occur with small businesses everywhere if Obama gets his way with socialist medicine. And by that I mean "free for all" health insurance, not health care reform. I'm all for reform. My husband has co-owned and run a lawn maintenance/landscape business for over 20 years. Last week, their employee health insurance company sent them a bill for this year's policy. The cost is $40,000 higher than from the previous year. Yes, you read it right: FORTY THOUSAND dollars higher, in one year. Why? Because the insurance company had to pay for my cancer.
Basically the insurance provider passed its loss on to the policy holder. If this is what we can expect in the future, small companies will no longer be able to afford/be willing to provide insurance for their employees and we'll all end-up in the Obama health care line. Why would a business owner want to pick-up the tab when there's something else available for free at the expense of taxpayers and future generations, and on the backs of those individuals who make more income? Don't let it happen. Demand that our lawmakers get a handle on the lack of efficiency, fraud, redundancy, and waste within our Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and Welfare systems first. Cut-off ALL the fat. Eliminate the B.S. special interest proffers. That's right, how about if we clean-up our existing messes first? Let's systematically "re-form" the parts that are broken, not throw out the whole thing and start over. That's insane. I know, I know...it's hard to fathom coming from such a timid soul like me, but believe it or not, I have a lot more to say about where I think this country is headed. So stay tuned if you're interested in hearing me sound-off.

Update de Jour

Weeks 32-33:   Hey, all! I've been away for awhile. Many of you have been asking about my progress. Sorry I've been such a slacker. I've been busy with Cycle 5 chemo treatments, then being sick, getting lab work done, going on a mini-vacation to see my nephew in Atlanta for the 4th of July, and taking care of dogs. ...Remember if you need any dog training, boarding or walking, give me a call! I have one more set of 3 infusions/3 weeks to go! Hopefully, I'll finish on time at the end of July. It's hard to believe I've been undergoing this for five months. Time flies, even when you're not having fun. Some of my nails are dying and coming off. This far down the line I didn't think I'd have any new side effects, but surprises seem to lurk around every corner. The good news is my hair is growing back. The bad news is, it's more gray. I'm at the stage where I look like a quasi-fuzzy baby bird. I'm a dead ringer for an ostrich except that I have blue eyes and big ears (click here to see my resemblance).

I have this coming week off. Since I'm feeling better, I'm going to go out and see what kind of trouble I can get into.

The Treatment Continues

Week 31: Last week was great except for when I was told I have to resume chemo this week (today, in fact). I was hoping I'd be spared from more treatment. You'll recall that while I had a week off from the chemo tower, I had to go in for a visit with my oncologist to discuss my progress. Stephanie was out of school early that day, so she came with me to the appointment. After delivering the news of my having two more cycles of chemo (2 cycles equals 6 more infusions over the next 8 weeks), he entertained us with a couple of cool card tricks. The best one was when Stephanie drew a card randomly, took a pen and wrote her name on it, then placed it back in the deck. The doc shuffled a few times and then told her that the first card would be hers. He turned the top card over and said incredulously, "oh no, that's not it!!"   "Okay, I think I made a mistake. It's the one on the bottom." He flipped the deck over and, "wow, what's going on? That's not it either!!" At this point Stephanie thought she had him beat. He went through the entire deck one card at a time looking for her card. When he was out of cards, he said to her "oh my gosh!...now I remember what happened to it." Then he removed his shoe and inside was a folded-up card. He took it out, unfolded it, and there it was, Stephanie's card. We were both very impressed. That was one of the best card tricks I've seen. And it was a good way to distract us from why we were there. At the end of the week, we went to Kings Dominion and the beach as planned. Unfortunately, I don't have time to provide details about these excursions at the moment, but if I'm inspired later, I'll fill you in. Gotta run. Nurse Nam and the rest of the infusion center staff await me.

Another Day, Another Victory

Week 30:   Yea, baby! Another one bites the dust. Finished my Day 15 toxins today. Cycle 4 is history. The infusion seemed to take forever because I was restless. I have to take "anti-allergic reaction" medicine and it wires me out. But now I'm free...no toxins next week! My chemo appointment will be replaced by a visit to the onco to check in and see how things are going. Rumor is, it'll be judgment day in terms of whether or not I need to continue with more treatment. We'll see how well it's working and go from there. I know it seems odd - even contradictory - to say this, but somehow despite the outward signs of the pounding my body is taking, I feel "strong" on the inside. I feel like my organs are handling the poison pretty well. As long as all of my parts are cleansed, I'll be happy. We shall see.

Purple Puff-n-Stuffed

Week 29: This week I'm battered but not beaten, so I soldier on. I was feeling pretty good until I had my Day 8 of Cycle 4 chemo last week. Imagine that. Now suffice it to say that besides feeling sick in general, I'm as bloated as a submarine sandwich, and I'm so bruised I look like I was flogged with a stick of nails and a bicycle chain. My body needs a break, but I'll have to get through this cycle first.

If my blood work comes back okay when I go in for testing tomorrow, I'll have my 12th infusion this week and get a day off next week! That should work well since it'll be Stephanie's last week of school. Then it's off to Kings Dominion for a day of thrills and spills, and hopefully no vomit, followed by a trip to the beach. Everyone else will be staying for a week or more, but I'll have to come home early for my next injection. It's a little disappointing to have to cut it short. I don't think I've spent a full week at the beach since I was about twelve. At least I'll get a few days of R & R before hitting the needle again.

I'll let you know how things go.

I Did My Homework, Now Let's Party

Week 28: Had chemo today (Thurs). Day 1 of Cycle 4. I'm officially over the half-way hump with only 8 infusions and 10 weeks to go! Unfortunately, it took me this long to realize that the drugs I'm being given are dangerous. This is serious business. The nurse was going over the standard questions they ask me every time I go in for treatment when I noticed the warning on her laptop screen that read: HIGH ALERT. HIGHLY TOXIC. Beneath it was my Taxotere dosage listed at 60mg. Alarmed by this, I went home and double checked what I read previously about Taxotere -and then some. I realized that when I did my initial research about chemo, I only checked what the drugs were, how they worked, and what the side effects were. I never checked dosages. The high end of the dosing proposed by the manufacturer is 100mg per infusion followed by three weeks off, and that's when it's the only drug being administered. In comparison, I'm being given 60mg for three weeks with only one week off (plus I'm receiving platinum-based Carboplatin). That's down right scary and I have to question why my treatment is so aggressive. I suspected from the beginning that, although my onco doesn't have a crystal ball and therefore wouldn't admit it, he probably thinks there's a good chance a have cancer cells floating around my body that could metasize elsewhere. While I remain positive, I admit that I have a nagging sense that that's what my future holds. Having cancer a third time would be a harsh reality to face, and it only underscores the concept that one really should try to live life to the fullest. In fact, whatever your lot in life, there are a few things we should all keep in mind. My mother-in-law recently shared this in an email and I think it's befitting of our time here on on earth. Granted, I modified a few words to suit my tastes. Some of you may have read or heard something similar:           "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body; but rather, to skid in sideways with a margarita in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO," what a ride!" Lipservice doesn't count. Get out there! If I can be the lone adult taking beginner springboard diving lessons with a bunch of 6 and 7 year kids (while sporting a bald head that's still sunburned and peeling from my day in the sun on Mother's Day a week prior), I can do anything. And so can you.